About ten months ago I was contacted by a man who said he was from IWTV (International Web Television) and asked me if I would be interested in making some coaching video clips. Well, anyone who knows me will tell you how fond I am of a good “wind up”, you can have a guess at the conversation that ensued.
Me Yes of course, who is this?
Him I’m from IWTV.
Me Look I know this is a wind up, who is this, is it you Roy?
Him No it’s real. I’m from International Web Television we’re starting a new web site for sports coaches and I am offering you the chance to broadcast your coaching techinques worldwide and share information with other coaches.
Me Meincken, this is not going to work, I’ve seen through your game!
Him No this is a genuine offer, you will be paid when people view your clips!
Give the bloke his due, he didn’t get flustered, but he must have wondered if he was dealing with someone with a tin foil lining to his hat. (It prevents the aliens from monitoring your brain waves.) (Did I say that out loud?)
Eventually he managed to explain and even sent me a confirmation email. All I had to do was to make ten short video clips showing how to do the tasks that I would normally teach my students and send them in. They would load them onto the website and take care of all the publicity before the launch. When the site went live and people started viewing them I would get a small fee each time. He then dropped the bombshell, they were going live in six weeks.
I tried to find someone who had a video camera I could borrow and was getting desperate when I mentioned it to Les Weller (late of the Yard), I soon found that I had not only a camera but a cameraman, producer, director and soundman. I then had a couple of frantic weeks writing my scripts, drawing up the story boards and collecting the props. Its surprising how you fall in with the jargon when you’re in the movie business, but I still don’t know why Ken Morse is the only one with a “rostrum camera” and I’m not sure I want to know what a “best boy” is.
The day came for the shoot and I was disapointed to find that Les had not booked Shepperton Studios, which happens to be just round the corner from where I live but that we were “on location” in his conservatory. I was sat behind a table facing Les with the camera and his large television next to him was serving as a monitor. I can’t tell you how disconcerting it is to watch yourself trying to do something totally alien like talking to an inanimate object and keeping to a script while watching yourself, twice life size, on television.
Needless to say it took a lot longer than we had imagined and we eventually abandoned the script having completed only ten clips, instead of the intended twenty I had written. Les was a pillar of patience and self control, as always, but I am still in therapy and watching It’ll Be Alright On The Night with some trepidation.
Almost at the deadline the clips were sent off and we waited nervously to hear of the launch date. I sent a few emails, received reassuring telephone calls but to be honest I’d almost forgotten all about it. Then yesterday I got an email out of the blue announcing that the site would be launched today.
If you want to witness my humiliation have a laugh, go to IWTV. On the left hand side of the front page click on Country and then on Angling. Select my name - Martin Porter - from the All Coaches drop down menu and then it’s up to you.
In the beginning I was told it would be free for the public to view and that advertising would cover all the costs but this has not worked out. So unfortunately you will be asked to pay a small fee to view. It’s currently £1.95 to watch 25 clips from across the entire catalogue of videos. This can be paid via PayPal or “SMS” (some new-fangled mobile phone technology I believe). Please don’t feel obliged to do so, but I hope somebody does, as us artistes need some recognition.
BAFTAs here I come!
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